Learn to Number Your Days

Three days ago, on a Friday afternoon for an unknown reason I started having an asthma attack.  I took my inhaler and thought I would be better but I wasn’t.  I went up in to my room with promotion from one of my leaders, it was work duty time at this point, thinking if I lay down I will be able to catch my breath. I soon realized this wasn’t working, instead I was getting worse. So I prayed that God would send someone to help me.  Just then one of my roommates came in the room. To make a long story short, Kylie came in the room and together with a few staff members we went to the hospital. When I was there I was given medicine for Bronchitis and a shot in the butt. Lol let me tell you, it was the longest and biggest needle I have ever seen.

I don’t want to scare anyone, but I wanted to let you all know and thank you for your prayers. When I was in the car on the way to the hospital I felt like I was really close to death, so I started to pray for the people close to my heart.  I felt the presence of God in a way I never have before, it was so pure and sweet. There was no struggle to be in His presence and I started talking with God. “God you have saved my life once like this before, please spare it again.” “Are you sure you want me to spare your life, it would mean more suffering for you? Would you like to stay or be here with me?” This was a hard question because I didn’t want to leave His presence, but something within me still wanted to love and I felt like I wasn’t done loving. I then asked “God if I chose to stay would I be loving you less?” I felt as though He was smiling and then He replied “No, because I will be with you and you will be loving my people.” I then said “Ok, then I chose to stay but before you give me my strength back can I dance with you?”  The next thing I knew I was dancing with my Creator, with my Father, my God. What a privilege and an amazing blessing it was! Words don’t begin to describe that moment with my Lord. I can’t wait until the day where I see Him face to face so that I can once again dance with God. The next thing I remember was Kylie telling me “We are here, are you ready Karissa?” She was speaking of the Hospital, and at that moment I was ready because I knew that God was with me. I feel so blessed to have this moment with God. To love with Him is the reason why I am here.

The Cost of Truly Living

Tonight in class we were talking about the cost of true discipleship.  Wow God has rocked my world once more. J We were talking about laying down your rights. It is the very thing God has been teaching me lately.  If I don’t lay down my rights and pick up my cross then how will I see God, and how will I show Him to this world who needs Him? I want to know my God and the first step in doing that is to follow Him (to die to myself). God has spoken to me about a few things that must die and I would like to share them with you, first, my family. It is really hard for me to come to grip with the fact that I won’t see my awesome brother David graduate High School nor will I be able to celebrate and tell him how proud of him I am.  It is hard for me to know that I may never be home again there to encourage, pray for, challenge, and play with my other amazing brother Daniel. It hard knowing that I won’t see my dear sister, whom I miss so much, for a long time maybe even a life time if God calls me to. Kristen if you are reading this, I looked at the moon tonight and remembered our conversations when I was in TX and how we use to talk on the phone and look at the moon together. I miss you sis! It is hard for me to give up the privilege of seeing my mom and dad so happy and living a life of love together.  I look at my cousins and see how they have the great blessing of raising their kids together and having their children know their grandparents, and then I remember that God is calling me to lay that down at His feet, to die to my rights. I’m not saying that God won’t ever give these things back to me but I need to lay them down regardless.  I can’t love my family more than God, I love my family so much but God still must come first.

Second, friends, not just people that are nice to you or make you smile and feel good but real deep friends. May I use the word best friend?  Those who know you so well they can finish your sentences, those who you tell everything to, who get you.   I have lived about 20 years without a best friend my cousins were my friends, and for that I am blessed.  However It is different to have a good close friend, one who is like a sister to you. God has blessed me with this gift, a rare and beautiful blessing. I have a kindred spirit for a friend and she is her with me in Africa. I know that I can’t hold on to her but I must let her go in to God’s hands. I need to be willing to live a lonely but fulfilled life with Jesus where ever He might take me.   

The right of being understood and the right of Nationality, these are things I must lay down. It is hard living in another country, everything that has to do with anything is different and you’re often misunderstood.  It is hard to explain unless you have lived in a different country for some time. I have always felt like I would move and do missions in another country, but I wasn’t ready to live a life time in one until tonight. God asked me “If I ask you to stay here and never return, are you ready?” I realized at that moment that as much as I love it here and am excited to stay for another six months, I was still holding on with the hope of going back home.  I can’t let being understood and living in my own country keep me from seeing God and doing His will.

A title or name for myself, a reputation, these are things that must die as I pick up my cross.  I have wanted for so long to go to school because I felt like I should, that is the next thing everyone does. I didn’t want to look foolish to others. I wanted to feel like I was smart and could do something. But all these things are a smoke screen covering the heart behind it all. All of these reasons boil down to one thing, feeling inadequate and not trusting God that He has created me wonderful the way He wants. Don’t hear me saying education is wrong or bad. I’m saying that for me, I wanted an education out of insecurity and lack of trust in God rather than allowing God to lead me. I must put my reputation at the feet of Jesus and be willing to look foolish to the world or even those close to me, in order to follow God’s leading. He must be number one not me.

Lastly, my life. Am I ready to die for my faith? The life I’m called to is not exactly the safest one.  When put in the face of death will I chose my God or my life? Will I say “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” I hope that if or when the time comes God will give me the grace to stand with Him and die. If He be God and died for me, how much more should I be ready? Again I’m not saying I will die but I’m saying my life must be put in God’s hands.  I can’t worry about my family or those I’m leaving behind. I must trust in God that He will continue to hold them and carry them through.  

Tonight I put all of these things on paper and burnt them at the foot of the cross. As I watched that paper burn I felt strange. I was crying because it hurt to die to myself, more painful than words can express.  But I was also crying because a freedom and joy started to take over. It is true, for the joy set before me I will endure my cross just as Jesus did. Thank you God for giving me this opportunity to die to myself, now give me the grace and courage to die every day from this day forward.

The Next Stepping Stone

So I have been praying a lot and am still in a state of prayer as I am about to walk in to the next season of my live in merely 7 weeks. I feel God leading me to take a step of faith and stay here until July or mid Aug.

While I am here I hope to help in a class room in Massai Land as well as helping in a children’s home called the Tumaini home (hope home). This ministry is ran with a couple who recently had their first beautiful baby girl, they are known as the house parents (the kids call them aunt and uncle.)  Then there are also 4 others who are looked as big brothers and sisters.  While I am here I would be like another mom or big sister to these kids. These kids are amazing! At around four every day the family comes together to do house hold chores. There is one kid named Jackson who asks at least four times to clean the bathroom, it is his favorite job. I have so much to learn about love and servant hood from these kids.  It brings so much joy to my heart as I walk around the base and hear “Karissa, Karissa” as I turn around to see these amazing kids with big smiles on their faces.

I love this ministry because this is not an orphanage but a family. The leaders never want it to become like an orphanage but to always remain a family, which is why the need for staff is so great. Right now we have five kids living in the house but there are so many more that need to be loved. Our hearts desire is to add to our family but as I said this requires more staff.

I feel so blessed that God would lead me to this ministry. My entire life I have wondered, how am I going to be a mother in a different Country? I have always felt God calling me to be a mother to the motherless and have often wondered how everything will work out. I feel like God is finally putting the pieces together and setting the stage for what I could see being my life time ministry.

How can you be praying? I’m glad you asked (hehehe). Please be praying first that God would be continuing to lead me in everything that I do and that I would abide in Him at all times.  Secondly, this is all going to take money, please pray for provision (see chart below). Finally, please be praying that God protects me. I need God to protect my health, emotions, spirit, and body as I continue to fight this good fight.

Monthly budget of $300.00/month
Rent (to live in this home)	$150.00
Food, Emergency fund, Blessing money	$50.00
Travel	$48.00
Offering	$24.00
Drinking water	$18.00
Internet	$10.00
Total	$300.00
Cost of changing plain ticket	$200.00
Subtotal for six months	300x6+200=$2,000.00

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support!!!  God has been teaching me so much and none of this would be possible if I didn’t have the love and support from you. May God bless you as He has me, in order that we might be a blessing.

Trully Living

It has been a while since I last updated my blog, let me share with you what I’ve been up to.  My small group did Sunday Ministry twice. I promised to have videos of the song and skits that my team did for the first Sunday, but I’m sorry I not able to upload the videos that were taken. However the second Sunday we did one of the same skits and took another video, this one you can see on my Facebook page.

We had a Culture night with everyone on the base. This was so much fun! Every Culture broke up in to different groups and was responsible to somehow represent their culture.  We had a feast together before the fun festivities started.  Then some chose to do dances and some chose to do a skit and some chose to do both.  What did the American’s do? Something awesome! J This video is also on my face book page. Please check it out, I think you’ll love it J I know I sure did.

There is a book we have been reading as a DTS called Making Jesus Lord by Loren Cunningham, it is rocking my world. It speaks of laying down your rights and picking up your cross.  All of this, what I’m doing in Africa doesn’t matter if I don’t first know my God.  How do I know if I know Him? The answer can be found with these two questions: Do I love? Do I have a passion for His people? I’m not talking about those who love you back, those close to you, but those who you don’t know, complete strangers even your enemies. It is one thing to have feelings of compaction as you pray or see pictures, but it is a different thing to act. It is a different thing to keep a relationship going. Are you to busy? I know I am…I’m ashamed to admit it but I am. Even when I sit and listen to people here my mind is moving and thinking of all the things that need to get done and how now I don’t have time.  I thought I knew how to love when I was at home, in fact I have prayed before saying “God I know how to love in America, there are schedules and I know how to love with a schedule, I know how to focus on people with a schedule but not here.  Why? How do I love?” You know the truth is God had to take me to Africa to show me that I don’t know how to love at all.  I don’t know Him like I thought I did. I don’t know Him because I don’t have Love in my heart. If I knew Him I would love, for He is love. I don’t want to see Jesus one day and hear Him say “I don’t know you.” I don’t want to say “But God I moved to Africa, told people of you, I even died for you” to only hear those dreadful words “I’m sorry but I don’t know you.”

The only way for me to know Him is to die to myself because it is myself that is keeping me from seeing Him. Until I give up all my rights, until I give up everything to follow Him I will never know Him.  I will never see Him for who He is because all I will be able to see is me.  I may see parts of Him and show that to people but that isn’t good enough, only a part? NO. I want to know Him not see a part. I must die completely at all times. I must give up all my rights and never look back. All this is much easier said than done.  OH God please help me! I cannot die to myself, deny my rights, at all times without you. Please oh please show me you! Dying to myself and denying my rights is not a onetime thing but a continual thing, Lord please give me grace to live this kind of continual lifestyle.

 Back to the book, in Chapter five it gives an amazing poem written by Bill McChesney.  He was an American missionary that was killed for his faith at the age of 28 in the Congo uprising in 1964.  This is what He wrote before He died, It changed me and I hope it does you too.

My Choice

I want my breakfast served at “Eight,”

With ham and eggs upon my plate;

A well-broiled steak I’ll eat at “One,”

And dine again when day is done.

I want an ultra modern home,

And in each room a telephone;

Soft carpets, too, upon the floors,

And pretty drapes to grace the doors.

A cozy place of lovely things,

Like easy chairs with inner springs,

And then I’ll get a small TV-

Of course, “I’m careful what I see.”

I want my wardrobe, too, to be

Of neatest, finest quality,

With latest style in suit and vest.

Why shouldn’t Christians have the best?

But then the Master I can hear,

In no uncertain voice, so clear,

“I bid you come and follow me,

The Lowly Man of Galilee.”

“Birds of the air have made their nest,

And foxes in their holes find rest;

But I can offer you no bed;

No place have I to lay my head.”

In shame I hung my head and cried,

How could I spurn the Crucified?

Could I forget the way He went,

The sleepless nights in prayer He spent?

For forty days without a bite,

Alone He fasted day and night;

Despied, rejected—on He went,

And did not stop till veil He rent,

A Man of sorrows and of grief,

No earthly friend to bring relief—

“Smitten of God,” the prophet said—

Mocked, beaten, bruised, His blood ran red.

If He be God and died for me,

No sacrifice too great can be

For me, a mortal man, to make;

I’ll do it all for Jesus’ sake.

Yes, I will tread the path He trod,

No other way will please my God;

So, henceforth, this my choice shall be,

My choice for all eternity

Holy Spirit Time :)

What to say…ummm… well let’s start with last week in Massai land. I forgot to mention that I was given the opportunity to preach for the DTS. I spoke about love and unity.  You can’t have one without the other.  I was told that it was powerful and I felt like God really spoke to hearts including my own. 

By the way please be praying for rain in Massai land.  They need it really bad. The base has a shortage of water right now.

They have built a primary and secondary school so that in the starting of the New Year kids will be able to attend school without walking all day to get there, if I understand right.  This is where I will hopefully be teaching in Feb.  That is another thing to keep in your prayers.  I need favor so that when I speak to the main leaders, I will be granted to ability to teach.  I want to pray about it for a little longer before I approach them so please be keeping me in your prayers in that regard J

This week in the DTS the teacher was speaking on the Holy Spirit. So good! I feel like I have a better understanding of who the Holy Spirit is not just the gifts of the Holy Spirit.  He is my best friend right now, sometimes I feel like my only friend. He keeps reminding me of the vision I had almost 5 years ago. I was walking down this path with Him and we came across a field and He said “here you go” with His arms reaching across this beautiful stretch of land. So I ran out and was having a ball, I look up to see Him smiling but still standing on the path.  I cried out “come on!”  But He said “no, I have to go this way, but you can stay here.”  To that I ran back to the road and said “I’m not going anywhere if you’re not there.” So we started walking and suddenly there was lightning and everything became dark. I became terrified and sorrowful and hid my face in His cloak as we kept on walking. Finally we reached a big mountain and He said “turn around.”  As I turned I saw a sea of all kinds of people.  He said with a smile “they were following you, and you have now lead them here to the mountain of God.”

I say this to encourage those reading that the hardships are worth it, keep going. I also right this to remind myself of that same message. It is hard and I feel like quitting sometimes but it is worth it and everything will be ok. I’m walking with the Holy Spirit and my head is under His cloak.

Back from Masai Land :)

Thank you everyone who prayed for me!!!!!  When I was in Massai Land I made a friend :) she was trying to teach me how to say "my friend" in Massai, Rafiki Yango in Swahili, but I couldn't figure it out. it was to much in the back of my throughout.  She spoke a little Swahili so we were able to have small conversations.  At the end she gave me one of her bracelets as a sign of our friendship :) It was really encouraging to make a friend even though I wasn't able to speak her language.  God's love is universal.
Later in the week Kylie, me, and all the other westerners were able to share our culture with the DTS by teaching some worship songs.  It was nice to be able to all worship together with songs I'm use to.  It was a huge blessing to see them learn the songs and worship God with me :)
I was also able to see the girl I sponsor (Frida) and I meat her mom for the first time.  I asked her mom to encourage Frida to go to school instead of staying with the cattle.  She informed me that her desire is to see her go to school and make a life for herself. This was also very encouraging!!!  Another person I was able to see was Coco :) Coco means grandmother in Masai.  Last time I came here I meat a lady who became my sister's Coco and she told me that she was my Coco as well. It was great seeing her and dancing with her :) Kristen if you are reading this she also says Hi to you and she loves you!
Unfortunately I had a hard time breathing and felt weak a lot of the time.  I didn't let that take away from what God was going to do though.  God is good and He took control.  Please continue to pray about my health that God will protect me.  Also be praying for peace and joy.  I have been missing home, family, my church family, worshiping with my church family and such.  I know God is good and He will come through, but please keep these things in your prayers! :)  
Thank you again!!!! I love you all so much!

Prayer Needs :)

Hey! So life is well... a little different here than it is at home lol ;) there is a lot more dust here that is for sure. Last time I came here I ended up going home with Bronchitis and had trouble breathing the entire time I was here.  I am once again having a hard time breathing.  I am taking allergy meds and my inhaler, and this is all helping but I need to be healed!
This weekend I'm going to Masai Land for two weeks! :) I'm so stoked :) for the first week all we are doing is ministry! I can't wait to see my little girl again and to minister to all the people! The second week is going to be focused more towards school, but I will still have so many opportunities to minister! I can not wait!!! I'm asking that you all keep those two weeks in your prayers as well as my health.
Thank you again so much!!! God bless!!!

God's Grace!

Last week was a week of new things J I learned how to do laundry African style and how to have the squirts in a squatty lol.  When it comes to chores I feel like a little kid learning how to clean all over again because everything is done so different here J it’s awesome!!

God is so good!!!  I have a hard time with adjusting to change weather it is good or bad. This was one thing that I was scared of, knowing I was moving to Africa. Thank God that He is bigger than all my fears, because God has come through in great ways! I still have my days and moments where it is hard and I’m still adjusting to the culture but God has given me such grace and enabled me to adjust in such a great way.  It is all by His grace and love! It is true that I can do ALL THINGS through God who gives me strength.

If you have watched Mega Mind then you will understand this next comment I’m about to say, for a long time I felt like the blue person in the midst of others.  I felt very lonely even though I came with my best friend. God is good though, I’m slowly becoming friends with a few people and they are teaching me Swahili.  God is showing me once again how ministry isn’t just this thing that happens on Sunday or in a planned setting but it happens every day all the time even in a class room setting. 

How do I love? This has been the question that has been ringing in my head over and over again. “Do as I do” is the response I keep getting. Jesus washed the feet of the disciples; we are to do the same.  Serve one another, care for each other, live selfless lives. This is love.

The Latest Fundraiser :)

I ran my own 10k (about 6 miles) this morning as a fundraiser.  I had people pledge per mile and then I ran my little heart out :p with Kylie as my witness. Note I'm not a runner lol, not at all.  Sure I ran to get ready for this massive run but I'm not a runner, in fact I hate running with a fiery passion of a thousand burning suns lol. God is so good though, I ran the fastest and longest I ever have in my life.  I ran the entire thing in an hour, thank you Jesus! :)
The amount that I raised from the run-a-thon is still being determined, I have a few phone calls to make this week, but I am more happy about the run being a success and breaking my own record than I am about the money :)
I think the run-a-thon is a for shadow of my time in Africa.  I thought the run was going to be a lot harder than it was.  It was hard and I  wanted to walk a few times but I didn't give up and God carried me through it.  I also prepared myself as best as I could before hand and then let God help me through the rest.  I'm definitely trying to prayerfully prepare myself for Africa, but I know I can only do so much and now I need to be ready to do my part but to let God  be my strength and run this thing together :) 
Man oh man, the stuff God shows and teaches us even in the little things of life :)

My Hearts Prayer

Lord help me to walk by faith and not by sight.  Help me to be the person you created me to  be.  Help me to walk in love and patients.  Help me to be gracious.  Help me to always be walking with you, not just for you or beside you.
I surrender everything i am and everything i have to you.  In complete abandonment I give it all to you, the good and the bad, the blessing and the hurt.  I give it all!
Now take me and breath beauty out of ashes.  Take the impossible situations that surround me and make them possible.

Getting to the Nitty Gritty

So here is the thing, I still need to raise a lot of money for Africa, I am still a few hundred short from my plane ticket and then there is the DTS to pay for so I'm going to be doing a run-a-thon. On Aug 20th I'm running my own 10k (6 miles) and I'm looking for people who are willing to pledge per mile.  If everyone gives a little then it will go a long way and i think I can make it. :) let me know if you can be a part of this.

Walk by Faith not by Sight

The time keeps getting closer and closer. It is crazy to think that in just a few weeks I will be going to Africa for a long time :)
I'd like to pretend I'm a super human Christian and say that I haven't struggled but that wouldn't be true.  I have battled and am still battling fears, insecurities, doubt, I have cried many tears and felt my heart break over and over again. I'm not a super Christian, I'm merely a human saved by grace. I'm walking through a fire, It hurts but it is so good and I'm so thankful!!!  Through this I'm learning in a deeper way how to walk by faith, how God is my everything and how I can truly trust Him with everything, everyone and my heart.  These are things I have known for a long time but as I let the fire refine me and mold my character I'm growing in my understanding and belief in theses things.
It is so easy to pray and get a direction form the Lord and run with it and forget that life is meant to be done with Him not just for Him. But it is important to not just live for the Lord but with the Lord.  To ask how to get there and listen each day, each moment, all the time. It is a gift and huge blessing to listen and walk with God every second of every day.  It is easy to get stuck in the doing instead of being and living but be careful not to be robbed of this great blessing! Walk by faith not by sight every day.

Pictures

Next Fundraiser

Ok..God is so good!!! He is providing in ways that I can't even see.  He is making me in to the Woman He intended me to be...Thank you Jesus for the fire.

So now I'm going to have another fundraiser.  I'm having a yard sale this Friday and Sat. July 8-9 from 7:30-3:30 at 236 Pennsylvania Ave.  The plan is to have yard sales every weekend this month.
If you have anything that you would like to donate that would be very helpful! :) Thank you all for your support!!!!

Finding Joy in the Midst of Impossibility

On Sat. I had a yard-sale...first of many. It went really well, for being the first one.  I'm excited to see how God is going to multiply the money and provide when it seems impossible. If you feel led by God to support me financially, there is now a new option to do this online through Wenatchee Valley Praise Center.  Here is the link to the "give online" page  https://secure.acceptiva.com/?cst=e610a7 specify for Karissa DTS in the other box.

One of the biggest things God has been showing me... teaching me....reminding me...... lol all of the above... is the importance and blessing in resting and being. Resting in Him, and just being His.  Finding all my worth and strength in Him.  Having a time with Him not because I have to or because I need strength, but because I love Him and I desire to be close to Him.  His grace and mercy is so great and vast, I can't even begin to comprehend Him.  It is hard to grasp God, and it is even harder sometimes to receive Him.  His undeniable love, His unending mercy and His vast amount of grace.  Thank you God!!!!

God answers Prayer :)

I have been praying a lot that the Lord would provide a good summer job to help cover all my bills here while I'm gone in Africa.  God gave me an awesome job working with the Parks Department, I was going to sit outside and watch people swim in the park pools.  Although this job wasn't a full time position, it was a job and I was very thankful!  Just yesterday I revived a call from my boss saying that someone got a great teaching job and there was now a Day Camp potion available.  This was the job I was hopping for in the beginning! :) it is a full time potion with the potential of extra hours on the side.  I'm going to be able to do what I love most, work and play with kids.  I can't wait! God is so good and faithful ... now I just need to remember that :)

Yesterday I also sent the paper work for my visa for Africa (woot woot ... yeaaaaa)  and paid it with money that God told me to save last year.  That was a huge step of faith! I know God will provide but I still yet to see how or when. I need to rembmer God is faithful and He is in control :) 

Lord, teach me how to rest and trust you.  Show me how to be actively still knowing that you are God.  Forgive me for not trusting you at all times, help me to trust you and give me faith to walk on top of stormy waters.

More Lord, More!

Today is my last day as a nanny.  I have the great privilege of taking care of three beautiful children the ages of 1, 3, and 5.  Before the three yr old had his birthday he made the decision to follow Jesus.  It was an amazing thing!!! I could see a difference in him right away.  He started asking me to read the Bible more and was excited when I talked about Jesus.  Right after I prayed with him I saw this tunnel of light being absorbed in to his face.  For a moment in time it looked like I was looking in to the face of Jesus.  He had such a huge smile of his face, and not a normal smile it was indescribable and amazing. Since then I have been teaching him more of who God is and how to pray and love.  Just yesterday I was teaching him how to share God's love with others and lead his friends to Jesus.  

Seeing as how today is my last day I was praying a lot for the Lord to lead me to teach theses children what He wants, as well as to help me be selfless and love like I have never before. As I was cleaning the kitchen God gave me this story to tell them about a toy maker whose toys come alive.  The end of the story talks about how much the toy maker loved his toys so when he found out that one was missing he left all the other ones just to find the lost toy.  The toy maker ends up saving the toy right before he falls out of a tree.  I was able to explain God's love to the five year old for the fifth time and once again asked if he wanted to invite Jesus to come live with him?  He said yes!!!  I have asked him so many times and finally after a lot of tears and many prayers he said yes!  I had the 3 yr old lead his big brother in a prayer and now they both are loving Jesus and living for Him.

Now my prayer is that God would raise someone else up to continue to train him in the ways of God. God is so faithful and loving!!!!!  I can't wait to see this happen in Africa too! :)

Goin to Afrifca :D

After much prayer I feel as though God is leading me to live in Africa for about 5 months.  I'm going to be doing a DTS (Discipleship Training School) though YWAM (Youth With A Mission).

I have always known that God has put a special anointing on my life to live and love over seas.  I still yet to understand what God has in store and where I will end up but one thing I do know, He has promised that I would be a mother to many nations.  I have no idea how this will come about...but I'm trusting that God knows what He is doing.

This is truly a faith building time for me.  lol and I thought I was done going through faith building times ... lol ya right.  I have a lot of support to raise and not much time to do it in :D I feel like I'm being pressed on every side but it is so good.  I didn't say it was fun or nice but it is so good.  I'm learning so much about trusting God and being OK with not knowing.  I'm learning more about change and surrender.  For example one of the most resent things God has taought me is this: The sacrifices and complete surrender to God is more painful than you can imagine...but the joy and freedom that comes afterword is exceedingly greater than you can fathom. The pain of sacrifice lasts only a while but the joy and freedom lasts a lifetime. Thank you God for walking through the fire with me! It is worth it! It is worth it because He is worthi it! It is worth it because the people He chose for me to impact are worth it!  God is striping me of selfishness and graciously causing my love to grow in its understanding.    I'm learning so much before I even step foot in to Africa.  I can't even fathom the kind of things God is going to do in me and through me. Wow, bring it all God.  Bring it all. :)