It is Time.

Last year the Lord gave me a vision. I was in a church building and on the stage was a statue. It was Jesus frozen in mid motion, like the statues in the movie the Lion Witch and the Wardrobe. Then I saw the congregation of people. The color in their faces were fading and their eyes were glazed over as they just stared off in to space. I could hear God say, this is what happens when people take a piece of me and create an idol out of it. Then behind the statue on stage was Jesus. He was waving His arms back and forth trying to get the peoples attention. Finally He yelled, sounding like a lion, ENOUGH! The statue crumbled, and the things that were covering the peoples eyes fell off. Everyone fell on their face because they realized what they had done and who they were now in front of.

We can't only have a piece of Him! God is loving and kind and gentle yes, but He is also just as much a judge and a consuming fire, the all powerful one. If you think you will skip by this part of Jesus because you are now saved you are sorely mistaking! You can't erase a peace of God.

There is a side of me that is caring and that loves to take care of kids, but I also can get very angry and not so nice. You can't pick and choose pieces of me, I am me and that is that. It is the same way with God.

We know of His love, we always hear how He is loving and kind and how He paid the price and all these things are 100% true, but he is also a judge, a king, the one who spoke something in to being out of His might and power. He is also a consuming fire and He is the one who will shake up and shake off anything that is dead.

PLEASE HEAR ME!!!

God is shaking things up. ARE YOU ASLEEP? If you are asleep this shaking will shake you off. Has reading your bible become a disciplinary duty that you do in order to check it off your list? How do you pray? Do you talk the entire time? Praying without words is sometimes more powerful and needed than praying with them. Have you fallen asleep?

Are you holding on to a piece of God that has now become an idol?

The book of John explains something interesting about the crucifixion. When Jesus was on the cross, the guards were going to rip his undergarments and divide them amongst themselves. They decided instead to cast lots to see who would receive it. You can not only have a piece of God or a piece of the Gospel. You need to have the whole thing.

Before God was able to reveal to me the part of His being that is a consuming holy fire and all powerful judge, He first had to reveal His love. It is out of His love that you see His consuming fire and powerful judge like qualities. I would be unable to understand His loving judgment  expressed in His consuming fire and earth rattling judgment until I first encountered and continue to encounter His love. I feel like we are beating a dead horse on this topic. All we hear about is His love, if you only know His love and haven't encountered it yet... may God have mercy on you and reveal it to you! I am all about love, in fact I have preached more messages on love than anything else, but I'm not here to talk about love to you know. No more warm fuzzes. I hope I rattle some cages because if I don't there is a shaking and rattling that is coming but instead of finding love and mercy you will find judgment.

Isaiah 57:11 Whom of you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me, and neither have remembered me or pondered this in your hearts?
Pause, think about that for a min. Who has DREADED that you have been false with God? Have you even pondered it in your heart?
Continue, Is it not because I have long been silent that you do not fear me?

Side note: there are 56 chapters leading up to this question, is it not because i have been long silent that you do not fear me? I don't think God was silent. I think He was yelling and trying to get there attention and it is the same here in this hour. God has been saying it over and over and over again, WAKE UP!!! NO MORE COMPLACENCY!!! The excuse I haven't heard you doesn't pardon the lack of fear that needs to reside in our hearts.

Now wait a min, we haven't been given the spirit of fear and we haven't been made slaves again to fear. How can you say we need fear in our hearts?

I'm glad you asked. :) Now listen to the answer. The Devil loves to create counterfeits! he perverts everything. The fear we are not to live by is this griping fear that will keep us back from God and doing the things we are meant to do. We are not given over to be slaves to this binding fear that ties our entire being down and pulls the focus on the object of ourselves. The fear I'm talking about is this kind that frees you. The kind that has your focus continually on Him and your heart in check with His. You're constantly aware of His greatness and power. You're quick to repent and line yourself back up with His love and holiness. When the fear of the lord is ruling your heart there is no room for complacency!

I'm constantly asking God, am I in the group of people you are rebuking? Is there any part of me that is not pleasing to you? Is there any part of me that would causes me to die in your presence?

Five years a go I was in a worship service with about 300 other believers of all denominations. It was so powerful and amazing. God's Spirit was in our midst and you could almost eat Him. I felt this thing rise up in my heart, almost like an anger. I said God, I'm not fooling you! You already see what is in my heart. I don't want to worship you. OH my goodness sakes! Did God ever show up. Instantly I felt His all powerful presence standing right  in front of me. I fell to my knees and begged God to spare my life. I felt as though I was going to die. He took a sward and touched my shoulders then said arise. I said uh hu. He said it again arise, your name is now Rose-Mary you will blossom in the sea of bitterness and heal in my name.

I encountered the Holiness of God and a holy fear in that moment and I have never been the same since. I have recently encountered something similar, it was as if the fear of the Lord was being refreshed in me. When you encounter the fear of the Lord, when you encounter His holiness it forever changes you! Something shifts inside of you.

The fear of the Lord is like water that causes the flower to bloom and flourish. I'm referring to the deep relationship with the Lord. The fear of the Lord causes your love to explode.

God is calling us back to Himself as a pure and white bride. To make sure the oil in our lamps are full. There is no more time to be dancing with sin. There is no time to be dancing with unforgivenes or shame or guilt. STOP trampling on the cross by dancing with sin, guilt, shame, condemnation and the like.

On November 15, 2012 I felt God say this: I want to reestablish hunger in my people. It is time to clean house.  In Hebrews it says without Holiness no one will see the Lord.

It is time to encounter His holiness; it is time to encounter the fear of the Lord. Just as it is different to know God's love and encounter it, so it is with the fear of the Lord.

What Is Most Important

I’m so humbled, His astoundingly rich presence that is mixed with such a deep soft love.  His presence that is completely indescribable is the very thing that satisfies the deepest darkest parts of my being. It heals and mends parts of me that I didn’t even know were wounded. His hands reach to the depths past the safe guards that no man is able to pass. Only In His presence overtaken by His love am I able to let the guard down just long enough for His amazing hand to reach to the deepest part of my being. In His meek love He pulls me to Himself, to the deepest parts of His being.

This is what He does for someone like me. One who has forgotten her first love, one who has prostituted her heart? I have let pride grow so big that it clouded my vision. I thought I was loving God and seeking His kingdom but really I was loving myself and seeking mine.

How is it that life can get so busy so quick. How can it be that the things He calls us to can add up so fast and consume our time? All He wants is our time, not our talent. He just wants us to sit, stop walking around Him and just sit, to be with Him and to continue to seek Him. I need to live a life with an audience of one!  No matter who may be around or impacted by my life, it needs to be just one.

If we truly encountered this holy love then we would not be playing the grace card to do whatever we wanted. We wouldn’t struggle to spend time with Him. How can we have a hard time wanting to be with the best person ever? The most loving, kind, tender, holy, fire, pure, how can you not want to be with such?

God asked me a question not too long ago. He said if I chose to do nothing but be with you and  never again lead you to do anything, or reach out to anyone would that be OK? Before I tell you my response I want to attempt to express the amazing heart that He was being revealed to me.  The amazing truth that deep quality time with me was more important than anything else. I want to put the emphasis on deep quality time. Not just a little time here and there but a deep long quality time.  I was surprised by my response.  I didn’t realize my heart held such an answer. My response to this amazing question was this; you will get bored with me. I will NEVER get bored with you! I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the truth that He loves me so much as to never get bored with me.

The deeper you find yourself in His love, the more you will find yourself walking in the fear of the Lord. You will find yourself walking deeper and deeper in to His heart were the fire is, a true encounter.

I have never been addicted to drugs or alcohol but I have been addicted to approval. The more I find Him and listen to when He calls me away, the more I find myself no longer addicted to approval but to Him. I go only a few hours and I feel like I will break down if I don’t get a way and see Him. If I’m not soaking in His presence my heart becomes anxious and my chest tightens up. I can’t breathe without Him. This is one addiction that I’m glad I have and never want to get rid of. To be utterly lost and in love with the one who infinitely loves me. I’m just now starting to learn what it means to have a living life rather than a dying one.

Heart Check

It's so hard to post anything on this blog anymore because I'm constantly reminded of were I so desperately want to be, but there is something on my heart that Ive been thinking about this week and I have to share it.

Everyone lives with preconceived ideas. Before we ever do anything there is always an idea of how things will pan out. Not only in situations do we have preconceived notions but also towards people, it is why stereotypes are so common.

This was one thing that was very hard while in Africa. I had to fight against my own preconceived ideas towards others and was constantly fighting against others ideas of me.  I loved being in Africa and I absolutely love the people, which is why I so desperately want to go back! However I very rarely felt as though people saw Karissa. There was no escaping the fact that I was white and had more money than most, although there were times when I had no money at all. Because of this I found that there were few people who truly befriended me for me not for what they thought I had. 

I had to learn how to love regardless and how to live life as Karissa without any other labels or titles.  I thought coming back to America I wouldn’t struggle with this anymore. No more fighting against preconceived ideas from others, but I was wrong.

I was at the college putting up posters for a Christmas event and strangely felt uncomfortable because many people were watching me. For some reason I didn’t want to be associated with this event, in fact I didn’t want to be associated with the “Christian” circle at all. I had never thought nor felt this way before. I walked away ashamed and started praying. “God I have never been ashamed of you nor am I now, I’m so sorry for having those thoughts. What is going on?” In His grace and mercy I realized that it wasn’t Him I was ashamed of but the thoughts of others towards me. The fact that so many people have preconceived ideas of what a Christian is and that I don’t want to be a part of. I’m me not what others may think I am because of my title.

Just as I couldn’t change the fact that my skin was white while in Africa I can’t, nor will I, change the fact that I’m in love with Jesus and spiritually white.   I fought against preconceived ideas of who I was in Africa and so I will here. It never got easy to walk against the current of deep rooted world views and ideas of who I was and I won’t be easy here. But I know that just as God gave me grace and strength to keep walking against the current and love as He loves there, so He will here in America.

It makes me wonder how God feels when those whom He created with such joy and love have preconceived ideas of Him. When we go to Him because we see a Santa with a big round belly who will give us whatever we ask for. Or when we don’t approach Him because we understand Him to be this powerful being that is waiting to pounce, or this distant being who doesn’t really care.  How we must grieve His heart and Spirit when we forget about Him and are afraid to come. Do we treat Him with such little respect and love as to go on with our day without even saying hi or good morning? How is it that we can forget Him? Wow He is so patient with us, that we would have so many deep rooted world views and ideas of who He is that are so false.  It is because of those ideas that we treat Him with such cruelty. No longer do I have anything to complain about when others don’t see Karissa, when so often Karissa doesn’t see God.

Mesiaki

The children in Masai Land are now on break; since School has been out I have been helping the Tumaini ministry (the children’s home in Arusha) as well as going to bomas visiting my children one last time. My goal is to see everyone before I leave. Pray with me that this is possible, during the day the boys are out with the cattle and it makes it difficult to see them. There are also at least 6 of my kids who are so far a way that I’m told I need a car and it will be a full day trip going visiting and coming back.

Last week I was able to visit a few of my students. It is so interesting to see how different they are when they are home. When in the class they are put in a culture where it is ok to express yourself and it is safe to be a kid with emotion. At home they are put in a culture that it isn’t ok to express yourself, it’s not safe to show sorrow, it’s not ok to hug especially for a male. It is sad really, I have seen my students want to jump and give me a hug and show affection but they stop themselves.

There is one student who has really made a lasting imprint in my heart. I love all my students and they are very near to my heart each for a different reason but this child has really shaken me. Mesiaki is his name, after visiting and saying good bye I went back and cried for so long. Just thinking that this is probably the last time I will see him brought such pain to my heart but at the same time I was crying with joy because I could see the growth from the Mesiaki 6 months ago to the Mesiaki now. 

I was sitting in his hut waiting for him to come, and when he came in his face lit up and we started laughing because we were so happy to see each other again. He had the biggest smile on his face, and the glimmer of joy that was jumping in his eyes was so sweet. He started to come and give me a hug but stopped himself and after saying “Hi how are you?” he ran outside why I’m still not sure. Eventually he came back but when he did his posture was different.  He was much more serious, his chest puffed out and head held high. I was wearing the necklace that he gave me as a goodbye gift and thanked him and his grandma again for it. He was feeling sick so we prayed for good health and then I told him that I wanted to see him one last time before going home. I told him that I will miss him but I will be praying for him, as I was saying these things he raised his chin and I could see the glimmer of tears welling up in his eyes. He was fighting it so hard. I knew he wouldn’t give me a hug so I put my hand out and he took it and squeezed it so tight. I felt like he was giving me a huge hug though his handshake.

Mesiaki has grown so much. I see the fire of God growing and welling up in him. I see the battle of wanting to be that light that breaks through the darkness. The Love that is so contrary to his culture but not knowing how to do so in such a dark culture that is inescapable. It makes me so thrilled and overjoyed to see the growth in him, the growth in school as well as his heart and spirit coming alive. It brings so much pleasure to my heart; words cannot express the joy that my heart is overwhelmed with. As I was meditating on this thought, God spoke to me and showed me that this is how He feels towards us. Philippians 2:13 says for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. I didn’t realize it but I had this view of God that said “He is pleased to finish the work He has started in order to finish a master plan.” There is some truth to this thought I think, but it is so much deeper than just finishing a master plan. YOU are the master plan. It pleases him to work in you because he is a personal God. Just as I work so hard, shed so many tears and spend so many hours in order to teach well and work with my kids. And just as it brings an overwhelming sense of joy an unexplainable pleasure to see growth in my kids such as Mesiaki, so it is with the LORD. God is so amazingly good!

Forgiveness

“It is easy to die for Christ, but hard to live for Him” – Nick Forrest. To fully live for Christ one needs to live as a dead man. I have heard this so often and have said “Amen” but how often do I really live this way? Do I really pick up my cross and carry it all day every day? Am I living like Jesus, am I loving like Jesus, and am I forgiving like Jesus? I have to say sadly enough, no.

It is absolutely impossible to live a life for Christ if one is not connected to Him. I’m not talking about waking up and reading your bible. I’m not talking about praying for 15-30 min. I’m not talking about going to church every Wednesday or Thursday and Sunday. I’m talking about this continual attitude of dependence and sensitivity to the Spirit. I’m talking about starting your day with Him, ending your day with Him and living every second with Him. I’m talking about praying without words, if you don’t understand what I’m saying then I can’t explain it to you. I pray that you will soon experience such a life, a life of living.

Forgiveness, this is one of the many things God has been speaking to me about lately. I have been given forgiveness so freely, so fully, and so undeservingly continually. How can I say that I can’t give forgiveness now? How dare I not give the very thing that is given to me? How can I say it hurts too much when the person who has given it to me has been hurt much deeper than I?

Now at this point I have a choice, do I forgive or let bitterness consume me and eat me alive? Do I live for Christ or myself? I choose Christ, I choose forgiveness, but how I don’t know. What I do know is that He is my guide, He is my leader, He is faithful to finish the work He has started in me. My job now is to stay connected to the vine, as I do He will show me how to forgive and how to live as He did. He is the best coach and counselor there ever was or will be.

The War is No More

Thank you so much for praying for Engikaret! To my knowledge the Elders were able to talk everything through and there is now water flowing and peace in the land. The threat of war has been put to an end. The military is no longer at the border and there will not be any bloodshed thanks to your prayers! Please keep praying for all the Massi, God is moving but there is still so much that needs to be done in the hearts of these people.

I’m going through a period of being pressed on every side. I have cried many tears but I count it a blessing! It is so true that the Lord is close to the broken hearted. The time when you are pressed in between two mountains is when the grace and a greater kind of anointing comes. I can’t explain it but I have seen it in my life. Because of JESUS I am struck down but I am not destroyed, I am pressed but not crushed. Through this time I have seen the heart of God in a greater way; I have been blessed to enter in to a time of such sweet intimacy with God. He is the lover of my life, He is my father, He is my friend, He is my provider, He is my guide, He is my counselor and comforter, He is my strength, He is my joy, He is my everything! I can say all of these things out of experience not just faith, what a blessing. It isn’t till I was put in to a position of heart ache to the point of not being able to breathe, that I found my God in such a real way. I have experienced God in a real way several times before but this time it was greater. I was able to find Him in a deeper more rich way than before. I hate going through pain, I hate feeling alone or used, but I love finding my God. What a blessing!!!

I read something yesterday and it really encouraged me and made my spirit jump, I hope it blesses you too.

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

Be blessed!

Ministry Update

It is so encouraging to see the change of heart in my kids. When Mesiaki first came to my class he had a heart of stone. He had a tough, bitter, angery kind of heart and was very standoffish. Now He gives me hugs at the end of each day and is very active in class. A lot of kids come and give me a hug but then run a way laughing nervously, I’m ok with this though I love it. But Mesiaki gives me a big long hug and pats my back as if to say “I love you thank you so much for loving me!” This morning one of my girls Marietha saw me and ran up with a huge smile and arms wide open to give me a hug. I was so full of joy that I started to laugh. It made me think that this must be how God feels about us. When we realize that we haven’t spent time with Him and then come running instead of feeling guilty and hiding, or when we come to Him nervously and cover our faces but approach Him none the less. I can see Him laughing not because we are funny, but because He is so full of joy that His loved child is coming and He sees growth.

Last week was a huge spiritual battle. I felt like crying a lot of the time, and many things happened that were out of my control. I felt like I had a weight on my heart and I was unable to shake it. On Tuesday I was asked to preach for our staff Sunday outreach. When asked I had a mix of emotions. First I was honored and excited, then I became nervous and didn’t want to do it. All that week I had been struggling with patients and love and so I felt even more as though I was the wrong person to be giving the word of God. I ended up preaching on the power of a name. I talked about God calling you by your name and the power of Jesus’ name. God was faithful and moved on many hearts. This one girl gave a testimony with tears in her eyes. She said that she knew God knew us all but this was the first time for her to hear that God knows her. That God is a personal God and knows her by her name, not just the church as a whole but her as Neema. Praise the Lord! The week of struggle was well worth it!

In my class we have been talking about following Jesus, what that looks like and what it means. So last Thursday I asked if anyone wanted to follow Jesus and three of my students raised their hands with such joy on their faces. The following day I was talking about Jesus calling His disciples. I really focused on Mathew and how He was a tax collector but Jesus didn’t see a bad man, instead He saw a person who would love and follow Him to the end. I explained how much Jesus loves each one of us and it doesn’t matter what we do, His love will never change. I then asked if anyone else wants to follow Jesus and the rest of my class raised their hands, even the toughest and hardest of my students. There was one student who was absent those two days but I can now say that because of God’s Spirit moving on the hearts of these kids 17 out of 18 students in my class now know Jesus. How amazing is that!!!

Please be praying for protection and peace. There has been a war going on for almost a month now. The Massi in Arusha specifically Mt. Meru are cutting of the water supply from the Massi in Engikaret. They are doing this because the Engikaret Massi are not letting the others graze in their lands. They have talked things through and the problem seemed to be solved. There was water coming and everything but then the water supply was cut again. What was happening was the Massi at Mt. Meru were saying sorry and then turning on the water letting the Engikaret Massi see, but then once the Engikaret Massi left the closed it again. A couple days ago hundreds of Massi came together and are now standing with the Engikaret Massi wanting to fight. I’m not sure where they would fight, but I drive from Arusha to Engikaret every Monday and Friday. The Government officials were called and now there are many solders caring guns and gas bombs at the border. I’m not sure if the Massi are going to fight now that the Government has stepped in but if they do there will be a great bloodshed. In the Massi culture when people are called to war all men must go. If you refuse you are beaten, so you have no choice. This war will kill many; it is a die or surrender kind of war and I don’t want to see it get that far. It is strange being so close to a war. God please, we need your peace!