Mesiaki

The children in Masai Land are now on break; since School has been out I have been helping the Tumaini ministry (the children’s home in Arusha) as well as going to bomas visiting my children one last time. My goal is to see everyone before I leave. Pray with me that this is possible, during the day the boys are out with the cattle and it makes it difficult to see them. There are also at least 6 of my kids who are so far a way that I’m told I need a car and it will be a full day trip going visiting and coming back.

Last week I was able to visit a few of my students. It is so interesting to see how different they are when they are home. When in the class they are put in a culture where it is ok to express yourself and it is safe to be a kid with emotion. At home they are put in a culture that it isn’t ok to express yourself, it’s not safe to show sorrow, it’s not ok to hug especially for a male. It is sad really, I have seen my students want to jump and give me a hug and show affection but they stop themselves.

There is one student who has really made a lasting imprint in my heart. I love all my students and they are very near to my heart each for a different reason but this child has really shaken me. Mesiaki is his name, after visiting and saying good bye I went back and cried for so long. Just thinking that this is probably the last time I will see him brought such pain to my heart but at the same time I was crying with joy because I could see the growth from the Mesiaki 6 months ago to the Mesiaki now. 

I was sitting in his hut waiting for him to come, and when he came in his face lit up and we started laughing because we were so happy to see each other again. He had the biggest smile on his face, and the glimmer of joy that was jumping in his eyes was so sweet. He started to come and give me a hug but stopped himself and after saying “Hi how are you?” he ran outside why I’m still not sure. Eventually he came back but when he did his posture was different.  He was much more serious, his chest puffed out and head held high. I was wearing the necklace that he gave me as a goodbye gift and thanked him and his grandma again for it. He was feeling sick so we prayed for good health and then I told him that I wanted to see him one last time before going home. I told him that I will miss him but I will be praying for him, as I was saying these things he raised his chin and I could see the glimmer of tears welling up in his eyes. He was fighting it so hard. I knew he wouldn’t give me a hug so I put my hand out and he took it and squeezed it so tight. I felt like he was giving me a huge hug though his handshake.

Mesiaki has grown so much. I see the fire of God growing and welling up in him. I see the battle of wanting to be that light that breaks through the darkness. The Love that is so contrary to his culture but not knowing how to do so in such a dark culture that is inescapable. It makes me so thrilled and overjoyed to see the growth in him, the growth in school as well as his heart and spirit coming alive. It brings so much pleasure to my heart; words cannot express the joy that my heart is overwhelmed with. As I was meditating on this thought, God spoke to me and showed me that this is how He feels towards us. Philippians 2:13 says for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. I didn’t realize it but I had this view of God that said “He is pleased to finish the work He has started in order to finish a master plan.” There is some truth to this thought I think, but it is so much deeper than just finishing a master plan. YOU are the master plan. It pleases him to work in you because he is a personal God. Just as I work so hard, shed so many tears and spend so many hours in order to teach well and work with my kids. And just as it brings an overwhelming sense of joy an unexplainable pleasure to see growth in my kids such as Mesiaki, so it is with the LORD. God is so amazingly good!

Forgiveness

“It is easy to die for Christ, but hard to live for Him” – Nick Forrest. To fully live for Christ one needs to live as a dead man. I have heard this so often and have said “Amen” but how often do I really live this way? Do I really pick up my cross and carry it all day every day? Am I living like Jesus, am I loving like Jesus, and am I forgiving like Jesus? I have to say sadly enough, no.

It is absolutely impossible to live a life for Christ if one is not connected to Him. I’m not talking about waking up and reading your bible. I’m not talking about praying for 15-30 min. I’m not talking about going to church every Wednesday or Thursday and Sunday. I’m talking about this continual attitude of dependence and sensitivity to the Spirit. I’m talking about starting your day with Him, ending your day with Him and living every second with Him. I’m talking about praying without words, if you don’t understand what I’m saying then I can’t explain it to you. I pray that you will soon experience such a life, a life of living.

Forgiveness, this is one of the many things God has been speaking to me about lately. I have been given forgiveness so freely, so fully, and so undeservingly continually. How can I say that I can’t give forgiveness now? How dare I not give the very thing that is given to me? How can I say it hurts too much when the person who has given it to me has been hurt much deeper than I?

Now at this point I have a choice, do I forgive or let bitterness consume me and eat me alive? Do I live for Christ or myself? I choose Christ, I choose forgiveness, but how I don’t know. What I do know is that He is my guide, He is my leader, He is faithful to finish the work He has started in me. My job now is to stay connected to the vine, as I do He will show me how to forgive and how to live as He did. He is the best coach and counselor there ever was or will be.

The War is No More

Thank you so much for praying for Engikaret! To my knowledge the Elders were able to talk everything through and there is now water flowing and peace in the land. The threat of war has been put to an end. The military is no longer at the border and there will not be any bloodshed thanks to your prayers! Please keep praying for all the Massi, God is moving but there is still so much that needs to be done in the hearts of these people.

I’m going through a period of being pressed on every side. I have cried many tears but I count it a blessing! It is so true that the Lord is close to the broken hearted. The time when you are pressed in between two mountains is when the grace and a greater kind of anointing comes. I can’t explain it but I have seen it in my life. Because of JESUS I am struck down but I am not destroyed, I am pressed but not crushed. Through this time I have seen the heart of God in a greater way; I have been blessed to enter in to a time of such sweet intimacy with God. He is the lover of my life, He is my father, He is my friend, He is my provider, He is my guide, He is my counselor and comforter, He is my strength, He is my joy, He is my everything! I can say all of these things out of experience not just faith, what a blessing. It isn’t till I was put in to a position of heart ache to the point of not being able to breathe, that I found my God in such a real way. I have experienced God in a real way several times before but this time it was greater. I was able to find Him in a deeper more rich way than before. I hate going through pain, I hate feeling alone or used, but I love finding my God. What a blessing!!!

I read something yesterday and it really encouraged me and made my spirit jump, I hope it blesses you too.

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

Be blessed!

Ministry Update

It is so encouraging to see the change of heart in my kids. When Mesiaki first came to my class he had a heart of stone. He had a tough, bitter, angery kind of heart and was very standoffish. Now He gives me hugs at the end of each day and is very active in class. A lot of kids come and give me a hug but then run a way laughing nervously, I’m ok with this though I love it. But Mesiaki gives me a big long hug and pats my back as if to say “I love you thank you so much for loving me!” This morning one of my girls Marietha saw me and ran up with a huge smile and arms wide open to give me a hug. I was so full of joy that I started to laugh. It made me think that this must be how God feels about us. When we realize that we haven’t spent time with Him and then come running instead of feeling guilty and hiding, or when we come to Him nervously and cover our faces but approach Him none the less. I can see Him laughing not because we are funny, but because He is so full of joy that His loved child is coming and He sees growth.

Last week was a huge spiritual battle. I felt like crying a lot of the time, and many things happened that were out of my control. I felt like I had a weight on my heart and I was unable to shake it. On Tuesday I was asked to preach for our staff Sunday outreach. When asked I had a mix of emotions. First I was honored and excited, then I became nervous and didn’t want to do it. All that week I had been struggling with patients and love and so I felt even more as though I was the wrong person to be giving the word of God. I ended up preaching on the power of a name. I talked about God calling you by your name and the power of Jesus’ name. God was faithful and moved on many hearts. This one girl gave a testimony with tears in her eyes. She said that she knew God knew us all but this was the first time for her to hear that God knows her. That God is a personal God and knows her by her name, not just the church as a whole but her as Neema. Praise the Lord! The week of struggle was well worth it!

In my class we have been talking about following Jesus, what that looks like and what it means. So last Thursday I asked if anyone wanted to follow Jesus and three of my students raised their hands with such joy on their faces. The following day I was talking about Jesus calling His disciples. I really focused on Mathew and how He was a tax collector but Jesus didn’t see a bad man, instead He saw a person who would love and follow Him to the end. I explained how much Jesus loves each one of us and it doesn’t matter what we do, His love will never change. I then asked if anyone else wants to follow Jesus and the rest of my class raised their hands, even the toughest and hardest of my students. There was one student who was absent those two days but I can now say that because of God’s Spirit moving on the hearts of these kids 17 out of 18 students in my class now know Jesus. How amazing is that!!!

Please be praying for protection and peace. There has been a war going on for almost a month now. The Massi in Arusha specifically Mt. Meru are cutting of the water supply from the Massi in Engikaret. They are doing this because the Engikaret Massi are not letting the others graze in their lands. They have talked things through and the problem seemed to be solved. There was water coming and everything but then the water supply was cut again. What was happening was the Massi at Mt. Meru were saying sorry and then turning on the water letting the Engikaret Massi see, but then once the Engikaret Massi left the closed it again. A couple days ago hundreds of Massi came together and are now standing with the Engikaret Massi wanting to fight. I’m not sure where they would fight, but I drive from Arusha to Engikaret every Monday and Friday. The Government officials were called and now there are many solders caring guns and gas bombs at the border. I’m not sure if the Massi are going to fight now that the Government has stepped in but if they do there will be a great bloodshed. In the Massi culture when people are called to war all men must go. If you refuse you are beaten, so you have no choice. This war will kill many; it is a die or surrender kind of war and I don’t want to see it get that far. It is strange being so close to a war. God please, we need your peace!

The One

I have learned the importance of the one. When I started doing ministry it was very challenging for many different reasons. I was so discouraged and shed many tears. It wasn’t till the Lord prepared me for what was about to happen in my class that I was able to accept my situation.  He asked me if all I was going through was worth it for the one. He reminded me that he went through everything I am going through and more just for the one. He was rejected, abandoned, alone, no one wanted Him there, and everyone hated Him. To the eye nothing was being changed but everything was getting worse. He was mocked and beaten to the point of death for the one, for you. God asked me if I was willing to do the same. He asked if I was willing to pick up my cross and carry the burden with Him. He asked if I was willing to be Him to His people. In tears I said yes, I could not deny Him.

There are three siblings in my class whom the Lord has given me an unexplainable love for. At first I felt guilty because I thought I was starting to have favoritism but then I realized that the Lord was giving me His heart for them in a greater way than usual. I found out later that their mother died in a fire and they are not currently living in their own boma (home). They are living in another boma in order to go to school. The place they are living is very difficult and because of it some of them have a hard time in school. One day the oldest, Monica, started to cry in class and wouldn’t sit down. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong until she screamed and threw off her skirt in class. She was crying hysterically because there was a lizard in her skirt and she was terrified of them. She cried out “mama, mama, mama” and I ran over and held her. I let her cry and tried to comfort her. My heart broke for her, and it was at that moment that I said YES to the lord. Yes this is worth it, even if it be the only thing I accomplish this year. I was here for this girl who has no mom. I was able to be a mother to the motherless even for a moment. All of my challenges and tears were worth it even for that moment.

I’m not saying it is easy, I’m not saying it is fun to pick up your cross and drink from the cup from His hands. But what I am saying is that it is worth it! Living here is not a walk in the park, and neither is living in America, but everything is worth it for the one. As we reach the one we can reach the world. This life is but a moment compared to eternity. I don’t want to get to eternity and regret my life here. I don’t want to say why didn’t I suffer for a while in order to save lives? I don’t want to be selfish; I want to be like Jesus who for the joy set before Him endured the cross.

In class we were singing I wana walk like Jesus, and I made up a new verse. We sang I wanna be your mouth, I wanna be your ears, I wanna be your eyes to everyone I mean. So I’m gunna walk, walk like Jesus…. After singing the song I realized something, how often do we ask to be God’s ears or eyes. So often I ask to be His hands, feet and mouth but forget the importance of the ears and eyes. With the feet and hands you can see something in action even with the mouth it is easy to see God moving. But being the ears of God and the eyes of God is greatly need and often not seen. A lot of the time people don’t need someone to speak to them they need someone who understands and listens, they need someone who can see and not judge. My prayer is that I fade in to the back ground and become His ears and eyes.

I want to thank everyone who is standing with me in prayer! I don’t take it lightly and I greatly appreciate it! Please keep praying for my health, that the Lord will continue to keep me strong and healthy. Also please pray that the Lord provides for all my needs as well as the ability to greatly bless his people here. Right now the DTS is on their outreach and they are not exactly in the safest of places, so please please pray for their protection and breakthrough in ministry. Keep my family in your prayers as well. I know that a lot of the time the enemy tries to attack families knowing that the family was created to be the core. I love and miss my family and I don’t want to see anything happen to them. Finally please pray for my kids. They need God to help them in school. Their minds need to be opened in order for them to learn and retain all that they are learning, and not just book knowledge but also God knowledge. Thank you again for everything!! May God bless you!

The Reason

God has been speaking to me about many things. I wish I had the time to write them all down for you but I don’t so I will focus on one thing that I have been learning. I’m going to do something that I normally don’t do. I’m going to let you in my journal, but before I write my journal entry for you I want to first briefly explain what God is doing in Massai land at the school.

God is moving on the hearts of these children. I’m seeing children who were very quiet in class when I started now yell and shout out answers like no ones business. I’m given the opportunity to encourage these children and tell them they can make it and that they are smart! Not only are they growing by God’s grace in understanding in an educational sense but they are also retaining more of who God is. I can’t fully explain it or even put words to it but I can see the glimmer of hope in their eyes grow every time I look at them. I see God doing something; I’m just not sure what it is. Whatever He is planning it’s great and amazing!

There are times when I get discouraged and my heart breaks. Like when we have to take someone to the Hospital because a girl was raped and now is near death trying to give birth, or when I hear about a child being beaten because he wants to go to school.  But I am continuing to hold on to hope that God is here and He is bigger.

Now back to my journal entry, here goes nothin.

Feb. 25, 2012

I could be home right now. I’m really struggling. I have hit the six month mark and it is nearly unbearable. I feel so alone and deeply discouraged. So much is packed in to that statement that I don’t have time to talk about. Everything, culture, missing home, conflicts, the feeling of inadequacy, realizing I can’t make a difference as I can at home, and being completely alone. So much is packed in to all of this as I said but that is not what I want to focus on.

I was having my quiet time and literally crying to God. I started playing my guitar and worshiping because I know the power of worship and the power of refocusing your focus on God. I started improvising and singing what was on my heart. I said “you are the reason I’m alive, you’re the reason that I sing, you’re the reason why I’m here.” I stopped and started praying the God would cause these truths to become more real to me. Then it dawned on me.

I’m not here because of people, I’m not here because of ministries, I’m not here to help or meet a need, and I’m not here to see change, or save people. I’m here because of God. I’m here because He is here. I’m here to find and be with the person of God. I’m here to bring the person of God to people. Not in a common way to the culture. Not by preaching or teaching, house to house evangelism or crusades.  I’m here to bring the person of God in an unique way. What a better way to bring the person of God in a different way than through a different and unique person.

I’m here to bring the person of Jesus through my hugs, through affirmation, through encouragement, through serving. I’m here to bring the person of Jesus to those who don’t know Him AND to those who do.

I pray that I will be ok with never seeing change. I’m not here to see change, although I want to. I pray that I will be ok with not seeing change but instead being ok with just bringing the person of Jesus in a different way.

What an honor to work with God in the smallest ways. That He would see me and pick me to work with Him by bringing Him here in a different and unique way. Thank you Lord!

This is worth it! He is worth it! All that I’m going through, all that I’m struggling with is worth it. To be with the person of God and to and bring the person of God, this is worth it!

I hope this encourages you to refocus your heart and focus on God and do your ministry with Him as the fore front of your life. He is the reason, let’s live that way.

Life in Africa

A lot has happened this month but I will try to keep things short and to the point.  I am now living on the base in Engakaret  Monday through Friday and in Arusha  Saturday and Sunday. While in Massi Land I am teaching. There are four classes going on every day, class A, class B, class C, and Primary one. Class A B and C are similar to preschool advanced preschool and kinder garden, where as Primary one is equivalent to first grade.  The school is now an English medium school, meaning we are to be teaching all in English.  As you can imagine this creates a bit of a challenge when it comes to teaching. Most if not all of the kids can’t read or write. This is also a challenge, in order for kids to be able to advance in school they need to pass written tests.  If the student is unable to express his or her knowledge in the form of a written test then they will not be able to continue in their education.  For the Massi this means they will be forced to go back and take care of cattle or be sold as young brides.

I am teaching English, writing, art, and sports for class C. My goal is to prepare and equip these kids to be successful as they enter in to Primary one. My prayer is that God will open their minds enabling them to quickly and effectively learn in order that they may be successful from Primary one up till they graduate form four, which is equivalent to High School. I also hope and pray that God will give me opportunities to be more than a malimu (teacher). I desire to plant seeds and to direct their hearts to the Father by loving them in and out of the class room.

Please keep praying for my health. God is faithful and is holding me, but there is a lot of dust in Massi Land and it can easily affect my breathing.  Also please pray for rain! There are people who have expressed that they plan on moving if the rain doesn’t come by April. This may sound like a ways away however April will come faster than we know it. Not to mention there is very little water right now.  There are to many cattle and people for the little water that is left. Please pray for God’s blessings to come in the form of rain. Also pray that I am able to teach effectively and don’t miss the opportunities God is giving me to reach out in love to these kids. And finally pray that God opens the hearts as well as the minds of these children in order that they may learn and retain everything being taught. Thank you so much for your faithful support, and holding me up in your prayers!