Forgiveness

“It is easy to die for Christ, but hard to live for Him” – Nick Forrest. To fully live for Christ one needs to live as a dead man. I have heard this so often and have said “Amen” but how often do I really live this way? Do I really pick up my cross and carry it all day every day? Am I living like Jesus, am I loving like Jesus, and am I forgiving like Jesus? I have to say sadly enough, no.

It is absolutely impossible to live a life for Christ if one is not connected to Him. I’m not talking about waking up and reading your bible. I’m not talking about praying for 15-30 min. I’m not talking about going to church every Wednesday or Thursday and Sunday. I’m talking about this continual attitude of dependence and sensitivity to the Spirit. I’m talking about starting your day with Him, ending your day with Him and living every second with Him. I’m talking about praying without words, if you don’t understand what I’m saying then I can’t explain it to you. I pray that you will soon experience such a life, a life of living.

Forgiveness, this is one of the many things God has been speaking to me about lately. I have been given forgiveness so freely, so fully, and so undeservingly continually. How can I say that I can’t give forgiveness now? How dare I not give the very thing that is given to me? How can I say it hurts too much when the person who has given it to me has been hurt much deeper than I?

Now at this point I have a choice, do I forgive or let bitterness consume me and eat me alive? Do I live for Christ or myself? I choose Christ, I choose forgiveness, but how I don’t know. What I do know is that He is my guide, He is my leader, He is faithful to finish the work He has started in me. My job now is to stay connected to the vine, as I do He will show me how to forgive and how to live as He did. He is the best coach and counselor there ever was or will be.

The War is No More

Thank you so much for praying for Engikaret! To my knowledge the Elders were able to talk everything through and there is now water flowing and peace in the land. The threat of war has been put to an end. The military is no longer at the border and there will not be any bloodshed thanks to your prayers! Please keep praying for all the Massi, God is moving but there is still so much that needs to be done in the hearts of these people.

I’m going through a period of being pressed on every side. I have cried many tears but I count it a blessing! It is so true that the Lord is close to the broken hearted. The time when you are pressed in between two mountains is when the grace and a greater kind of anointing comes. I can’t explain it but I have seen it in my life. Because of JESUS I am struck down but I am not destroyed, I am pressed but not crushed. Through this time I have seen the heart of God in a greater way; I have been blessed to enter in to a time of such sweet intimacy with God. He is the lover of my life, He is my father, He is my friend, He is my provider, He is my guide, He is my counselor and comforter, He is my strength, He is my joy, He is my everything! I can say all of these things out of experience not just faith, what a blessing. It isn’t till I was put in to a position of heart ache to the point of not being able to breathe, that I found my God in such a real way. I have experienced God in a real way several times before but this time it was greater. I was able to find Him in a deeper more rich way than before. I hate going through pain, I hate feeling alone or used, but I love finding my God. What a blessing!!!

I read something yesterday and it really encouraged me and made my spirit jump, I hope it blesses you too.

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

Be blessed!

Ministry Update

It is so encouraging to see the change of heart in my kids. When Mesiaki first came to my class he had a heart of stone. He had a tough, bitter, angery kind of heart and was very standoffish. Now He gives me hugs at the end of each day and is very active in class. A lot of kids come and give me a hug but then run a way laughing nervously, I’m ok with this though I love it. But Mesiaki gives me a big long hug and pats my back as if to say “I love you thank you so much for loving me!” This morning one of my girls Marietha saw me and ran up with a huge smile and arms wide open to give me a hug. I was so full of joy that I started to laugh. It made me think that this must be how God feels about us. When we realize that we haven’t spent time with Him and then come running instead of feeling guilty and hiding, or when we come to Him nervously and cover our faces but approach Him none the less. I can see Him laughing not because we are funny, but because He is so full of joy that His loved child is coming and He sees growth.

Last week was a huge spiritual battle. I felt like crying a lot of the time, and many things happened that were out of my control. I felt like I had a weight on my heart and I was unable to shake it. On Tuesday I was asked to preach for our staff Sunday outreach. When asked I had a mix of emotions. First I was honored and excited, then I became nervous and didn’t want to do it. All that week I had been struggling with patients and love and so I felt even more as though I was the wrong person to be giving the word of God. I ended up preaching on the power of a name. I talked about God calling you by your name and the power of Jesus’ name. God was faithful and moved on many hearts. This one girl gave a testimony with tears in her eyes. She said that she knew God knew us all but this was the first time for her to hear that God knows her. That God is a personal God and knows her by her name, not just the church as a whole but her as Neema. Praise the Lord! The week of struggle was well worth it!

In my class we have been talking about following Jesus, what that looks like and what it means. So last Thursday I asked if anyone wanted to follow Jesus and three of my students raised their hands with such joy on their faces. The following day I was talking about Jesus calling His disciples. I really focused on Mathew and how He was a tax collector but Jesus didn’t see a bad man, instead He saw a person who would love and follow Him to the end. I explained how much Jesus loves each one of us and it doesn’t matter what we do, His love will never change. I then asked if anyone else wants to follow Jesus and the rest of my class raised their hands, even the toughest and hardest of my students. There was one student who was absent those two days but I can now say that because of God’s Spirit moving on the hearts of these kids 17 out of 18 students in my class now know Jesus. How amazing is that!!!

Please be praying for protection and peace. There has been a war going on for almost a month now. The Massi in Arusha specifically Mt. Meru are cutting of the water supply from the Massi in Engikaret. They are doing this because the Engikaret Massi are not letting the others graze in their lands. They have talked things through and the problem seemed to be solved. There was water coming and everything but then the water supply was cut again. What was happening was the Massi at Mt. Meru were saying sorry and then turning on the water letting the Engikaret Massi see, but then once the Engikaret Massi left the closed it again. A couple days ago hundreds of Massi came together and are now standing with the Engikaret Massi wanting to fight. I’m not sure where they would fight, but I drive from Arusha to Engikaret every Monday and Friday. The Government officials were called and now there are many solders caring guns and gas bombs at the border. I’m not sure if the Massi are going to fight now that the Government has stepped in but if they do there will be a great bloodshed. In the Massi culture when people are called to war all men must go. If you refuse you are beaten, so you have no choice. This war will kill many; it is a die or surrender kind of war and I don’t want to see it get that far. It is strange being so close to a war. God please, we need your peace!